2017 is Just a Sunday

“Can’t wait until 2017!”

“2017 is my year!”

“So done with 2016!”

I hate to break it to you, but January 1, 2017 is this Sunday, and I 100% promise you it’s going to be just like every other Sunday you’ve had for the past year, minus the fact that you may have off on Monday.

Sure, you may have “new goals” for yourself, which I clearly don’t believe in (as stated here), but you’ll still be the same person. Truth be told, there are a lot of things about 2017 that I’m not looking forward to:

  1. Trump will be sworn in as our President
  2. Sweet little Joe Biden will leave us
  3. I have 3 major conferences to deal with at work
  4. My company’s largest conference is in June, which means my work load is about to quadruple
  5. I’ll be testing out a new medication (which could go either way, good or bad)

Sure, good things may come with 2017:

  1. I could (hopefully) get a promotion at work
  2. My lease is up in July and I want to move to the city (or a city)
  3. I’m hoping to plan a few trips throughout the year (my good friend is getting married in Austin, so that’s already a trip set)
  4. I want to start volunteering
  5. I’ll be testing out a new medication (which could go either way, good or bad)

But these are all “maybes” because I don’t know what’s going to happen after Sunday, except the next day will still be Monday, then Tuesday, and so on. Also, some of these things aren’t dependent on the fact that it’s a new year. I could start looking at volunteer opportunities right now (if I wasn’t feeling so lazy).

Maybe I’m just being my usual cynical self, but I just don’t get it. Come Sunday morning, I’ll be the same person, and so will you.

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New Year, SAME Me

Whip out your steno pads, fresh 2017 calendars, journals, and any other surface with which you can scribble down your New Year’s Resolutions! Diet? YES! Organization? YES! Exercise? YES! Be less of a bitch? Meh, maybe not. What incredible and outlandish goal will you create for yourself come January 1? How do you even begin to choose? If you’re like me, you just don’t. Plain and simple.

People make extravagant, ridiculous goals and resolutions for themselves, only to fail and ultimately feel like shit. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve said that I was going to diet starting January 1, only to find myself crying over a pint of Ben & Jerry’s on January 7; I’ve signed up for gym memberships and cancelled them six months later; I’ve created lists of 30 books to read by the end of the year and found myself scrambling to finish book number four come December. Why was I setting myself up to lose? How was this added pressure in my life making it any better? And WHY did I have to put a timeframe on it? I was getting nowhere, up until a few years ago.

I could say it was a “chilly afternoon in mid-December” when I came to this realization, but in reality it was probably just some random day when I was bored AF, just trying to find things to think of that would provoke a panic attack. Classic me.

During that time, I decided that I would make goals for myself whenever I felt it necessary with no dead-set timeline (you will always need some sort of timeline or nothing will get done).

Consider a few weeks ago: A friend of mine let me borrow a book of hers that I had to read. Well, it’s been sitting on my dresser ever since, with piles of shitty jewelry covering the title. I saw it there as I was cleaning my room (a simple weekend goal I set for myself) and remembered I had an unfinished book on my kindle, along with three others that I NEEDED to buy during the Amazon Kindle sale (don’t ask). I told myself, “yo, read the damn book.” I paused my desire to read this new book, to go back to an old desire to finish the other book. So I picked up my Kindle and placed it on my coffee table. Granted, it’s been there a few days, it’s there and it crosses my mind every time I walk by. Actually, I’m looking at it right now and thinking I should probably get to it once I’m done writing.

Most importantly, I’m not putting any unnecessary pressure on myself. I’ve already had a glass of wine, so I’m kind of tired, but I’m also not too tired to pick it up and read a few pages (clicks? I don’t know the proper wording for the use of a Kindle). Sure, I may make another excuse not to read the book tonight, but I’ll forgive myself. I didn’t say my plan was fool-proof. But sometimes life happens. Why didn’t I read the original book in the first place? Because life happened. I purchased the book right before I had three crazy work projects due and two vacations coming up. Naturally I forgot about it. But at this moment in my life, work has died down a tiny bit and (unfortunately) I don’t have any upcoming trips.

The whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing might work for some people. More power to you! But if you’re like me and struggle to complete the simple task of reading a damn book, consider making smaller goals as you move throughout life. Things change and you should be able to change with them.

As I always say, to each his or her own. But sometimes, my way is better.

bye-b

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12 Reasons I ‘Literally Can’t Even’ And I Love It

**Elite Daily published my very first post! Check out the full article here**


In the past few years, the following words and phrases have become increasingly common (and overused) in every conversation between 15- to 30-year-old women:

“I’m dying.”
“Literally.”
“The worst.”
“I hate it.”
I can’t even.”
“I can’t.”

So much so that everyone now must talk about how annoying and “ditzy” these people are. Even “SNL” got in on the fun and created a hilarious skit with host Dakota Johnson about coworkers who, “just can’t deal.”

Guess what? I’m one of those 15- to 30-year-old women and IDGAF how annoying I may sound.

I, “I literally can’t,” on an hourly basis because life is hard and people are stupid. Before you go and dismiss this perfect line, here are some reasons why it always works in every situation:

1. I’m trying to listen.

We all have those friends who won’t take a second to breathe while telling a story (myself included), making it extremely difficult to get a word in or voice your own extremely important opinion about something.

Saying, “I can’t,” takes less than a second. So, when my friend is going on and on, leaving no room for me to interrupt and speak my mind, I can always slip in a good “I can’t.” To which said friend could respond, “I KNOW,” and continue rambling.


2. I’m not listening.

The above also works when I ultimately get lost in whatever my friend is going on about. This way, at least it seems like I’m listening.


3. I’m lazy.

At some point in the last 10 years, everyone decided to shorten every word possible. Then we started condensing phrases.

“I can’t” became an even more abbreviated way to express, “I can’t even.”

We are apathetic people, and heaven forbid we use a complete phrase when we can barely take the time to utter an entire word (e.g. obvi, caj, totes, fav and any other term coined by your bitchiest friend).

So I’m lazy; deal with it.


4. It can mean so many things.

Regardless of what the full phrase once was, these two short words now have infinite definitions that can work in a multitude of situations.

I could be referencing a hideous outfit, an outlandish action, something mind-blowing, the weather or just sheer confusion. There are endless possibilities.


5. I’m incapable of having emotions.

Cue Barenaked Ladies, “I’m the kind of [girl] who laughs at a funeral.” My lack of emotion leads to a lack of caring, which ultimately leads to me not knowing what to say in certain situations.


6. My vocabulary is that of a 14-year-old.

To this day, I have no idea how I got into college. I’d say about 75 percent of the time, I literally have no idea what else to say.


7. It ends a conversation.

Talking makes me tired since I tend to never shut up. I don’t have the patience to come to a full conclusion at the end of every story. I wish it were an acceptable way to end all college papers.


8. It also can end a relationship.

This goes hand-in-hand with the fact that I have zero emotions and, therefore, don’t know how to break up with people.

The conversation typically results in me referring to the relationship as “this” while waving my hand between both of us, shaking my head and saying, “I just can’t.” Note that this rarely works…


9. I don’t want to talk to you.

Apparently, some people refuse to acknowledge the combination of oversized sunglasses and headphones as the universal sign for “f*ck off,” and need to be physically told that you “can’t even” handle speaking right now.


10. Life is hard.

It accurately indicates my true lack of understanding of the world around me.


11. You’re annoying me.

I’m a cynical bitch. If you and/or your conversation is annoying AF, I will find a way to let you know how much I do not care.


12. I literally can’t.

AKA: I don’t want to.